There is probably quite a number of young individuals who loathe the very idea of therapy. Their impression of coming to therapy is having to pour out their feelings or being told unwanted advice. Questions such as “So how does that make you feel?”, “How do you feel about that?” irritate them to no end. Likewise, yet another adult giving them unsolicited advice or interpretations on their behaviours results in them not wanting to talk to anyone, much less stepping into a psychologist’s office.
In actuality, therapy is not just about sharing emotions or experiences, especially if the individual isn’t keen. Therapy is first and foremost a mutually respectful, safe and compassionate space to just with be another person. Just like any of us would be with another human being. Talking in a normal, natural way people talk to each other, without any protocols or scripts, and just with the intention to see and relate to the individual for who they are, beyond their ages or circumstances.
Therapy involves openness; to listen and acknowledge what has been shared. As adults, in our misguided attempts to help young individuals feel better, we might quickly point out contrary arguments. An “I hate myself” may lead to us questioning why or pointing out everything good and positive about the young individual. But, what's the point in expressing how you feel if someone's right there to tell you you're wrong or you shouldn’t feel that way? There is no right and wrong in our thoughts or emotions.
Therapy is also about is journeying with the young individual to explore what matters to them and to use this knowledge to guide their actions. Rather than someone telling them what to do, therapy seeks the active participation and responsibility of an individual to make their own choices.
Lastly, therapy involve honoring an individual’s choice. The choice to accept help lies with every individual, including teens and youths. While we may want the best for them, the best to them may not be therapy. And that is okay. Even if an individual chooses not to return for a second session, at least they experienced for themselves that therapy is about actively, authentically and respectfully relating to one another as equal individuals.
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