Finding the right therapist is akin to finding a comfortable and well-fitted pair of shoes. As we journey through life’s ups and downs, we experience some bumps and bruises psychologically and emotionally. The right therapist is imperative to help us heal and continue journeying well in life, just like a good pair of well-fitted shoes to keep walking.
Psychotherapy is never a quick fix and it may take us a few sessions to figure out if our therapist is the right person and if we are progressing well in therapy. For this reason, it is often useful to think of the first few sessions as a mutual assessment. Not all human beings fit well together, and that’s okay! What’s important is to find a therapist who fits and meets our needs.
Aside from looking at credentials, how else would we know if a therapist is right for us? Ask yourself the following after a few sessions:
1. Do you feel comfortable to be yourself?
At its core, therapy is a relationship. Trust, compassion and respect are essential qualities of a therapeutic relationship. Given the nature of therapy, sessions aren’t always easy or enjoyable. They often involve facing up to painful emotions and life situations, hence it is important that your therapist journeying with you is someone you enjoy talking to, compassionate and non-judgmental.
2. Do you feel like an equal?
Therapy is tailored to you and your feedback is essential to making therapy work for you. Your therapist works with you and supports you, as a partner in your journey to psychological wellness. Your therapist gives you space to heal instead of dictating how therapy should go. Therapy is not about getting advice because your therapist knows better; it is about finding answers with the guidance. Your therapist is your guide to building insight, learning and growing.
3. Do you feel like you are learning and growing?
Therapy is client-centered and your goals for therapy should be discussed and worked on collaboratively with your therapist. An effective therapist will check in with you often to ensure that therapy is on track and meeting your needs. Good therapy also involves learning various skills such that you will eventually be able to handle stressors or difficult situations independently.
Therapy isn’t the same as a friendship, but a professional relationship to help you heal and grow.
4. What does your gut/intuition says?
Trust your gut if you feel something is off in therapy. Listen to yourself and talk to your therapist openly. A good therapist will listen to your concerns and do their very best to accommodate your needs. If there isn’t a good fit, your therapist can suggest other therapists and both of you can part in a healthy and therapeutic manner.
That said, please do remember it takes at least 3 to 4 sessions before we start to realise how our therapists can impact our lives. Just like meeting anyone new to us, we are also getting to know our therapist and vice versa. At first, it can feel awkward to speak to a stranger but this will get better over time! Therapy is a new beginning for both ourselves and our therapists.
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