Your personal values are an important part of who you are—as a person and of course as a parent. But discovering your personal values can be tough without first understanding what are values exactly!
Imagine a compass. A compass gives you direction and keeps you on track when you’re traveling. Our values do the same for our journey of life.
Values are like a compass – we use them to choose the direction in which we want to move and to keep us on track as we go.
So when we act according to a value, it’s like heading in a particular direction, eg, west. Whereas, our goals are like the things we try to achieve on our journey: they’re like the sights we want to see or the mountains we want to climb while we keep on traveling west.
Values are about doing something because it's important to us. It’s about being true to ourselves and being the sort of person we want to be deep in our hearts. They're NOT obligations, "should", "must" and "have to".
Our most important values are unique to us. And sometimes, we have to dive deep to understand what they truly are.
How to Discover Our Values as a Parent
There are a few ways to do this.
1. Imagine you’re at your deathbed thinking about your life.
How do you want to be remembered by your children? (Perhaps a parent who is present? Patient? Compassionate? Reliable?)
What sort of parent were you?
What kind of relationship did you have with your children?
What personal qualities did you bring into your relationship with your children?
Most people find this exercise evokes various emotions – some warm and loving, and some very painful. Take a moment to notice what you’re feeling and consider what these feelings tell you about what truly matters to you.
2. Look through a list of values.
Select the top three values that are most important to you as a parent, at this point in time.
How to Put Your Values Into Action
After getting a better idea of our personal values, what then? How do we deliberately use our values as a compass? Living a life aligned with your values requires taking a step back and actively thinking about them, even in stressful moments.
Try the BOLD method:
Breathe deeply and slowly. Use your breath as anchor, even when emotional forces are trying to pull you in every direction.
Observe your thoughts and feelings to gain a little distance from them so you can choose the path you want to take.
Listen to your values and turn your energy towards them.
Decide and choose actions aligned with your values.
Living a life aligned with your values gives us a true north star to shut out noise, make choices true to ourselves and right for us and our family. However, this may take courage because sometimes we have to face our fears and experience painful thoughts along the way.
If that's the case for you, explore therapy today with a psychologist for more guidance to build your parenthood roadmap and manage obstacles to journeying on this roadmap!
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